God's Waiting

A particularly pressing issue was dropped on me yesterday.  It dealt primarily with something that I've been ever conscious of since graduating college: money.  In the past, when something of this magnitude comes along, I would thrust my hands in the air, stare at the ceiling, and say (in my heart), "Why, God, is this happening???"  The tone I heard in my heart when I would say these things was one of frustration and anger.  "Why, again?", “What did I do to deserve this?”.   Things like this would pass through the lips of my heart.  I couldn't understand why.  I just couldn't.  Here I thought I was doing everything right.  Living by all the rules (as I understood and understand them), not being too upset at the really crummy drivers in Colorado, things like that.  "I'm a good boy!" would be my mantra.

Yet, yesterday, I let go.  I just said to God, again in my heart, "It's on you, God."  I yielded my worry to Him.  Gave it up.  Let it go.  I followed what I felt God would have me do, notified the appropriate people, and let it go.  All morning, I would feel the panic feeling rising in my spirit like heartburn in the throat.  I would drop the hammer of Prayer to God to remove the feeling, and it would dissipate.  Wow!  This stuff is cool, I thought.  Soon, I got very positive word from folks that all was well, things would happen as it should.  God be praised!  What a wonderful exercise for me! 

There are those that may read this and say, "Well, yeah, dopey, that's how it works."  Excuse me, but I feel like some young infant pulling themselves up by grappling with furniture, all the while looking into the eyes of my Father, and learning to trust.  Can anyone else remember that feeling?

On a similar vein, one of the things my mind has done over the years is latch onto something, and then pursue that thought thread to an end, most of the time, being somewhat negative or dark.  I used to justify this thought pattern as a means for me dealing with things as they occur.  I would figure out as many scenarios as possible, and feel like I could handle that issue.  As soon as I got to that point, I would have another in the chamber. 

But, this has become too consuming, too damaging to my spirit.  So, in the Czech, when a thought like this would start its normal pattern, I would pray "God, remove these thoughts from me!  Take them away!  They are evil and damaging and I don't want them anymore!"  And, you guessed it, they would dissipate.  Sure, they'd start edging in again, but I'd pray again, and they'd go away.  Glory to God, He does rule over thoughts and patterns!  He can save me from this darkness! 

Again, I can hear the "Duh's!"   They are out there.  But, again, my walk with God has improved in just the last three or four weeks.  I realize more and more every day that he can pervade every aspect of my life, and improve my walk and my spirit.  The darkness leaves when I ask God to turn up His brightness in my life. 

Yielding my existence to God has become a daily thing.  Every day, I have to look to my God and say, “It’s all yours, God, not mine.  All of it.  Everything.”  Does this mean I don’t periodically pull things back?  No, it doesn’t.  Unfortunately, I’m still way too human and this happens too often for my liking, and I’m sure God see’s it and can’t help but perhaps shake his head a little and let me trudge through the mud again, only to say to myself, “Man, Rich, what a dope you are!”  Then, the cycle repeats as I yield it to God...again.  The really cool thing, though, is that these mud-trudging events are getting shorter.  They still happen, but I’m learning quicker.  And, my heavenly Father has patience with me.  He doesn’t say, “Rich, you’re just so stupid!  I’m going to crush you!”  No, he waits for me.  He is there when I ask for Him.

I’m beginning to understand...